Emotions and eating go heart to mouth not hand in hand.

Are you an emotional eater?
Do different situations and emotions trigger you to go off on an eating binge? Are we unconsciously stuffing ourselves full of bad food choices as a mood elevator? Probably, if you are anything like myself.

Identify and list
Identify your emotional / situational triggers
My List:

• Anger
• Disappointment
• Frustration
• Boredom
• Overwhelmed
• Depressed
• Happiness / Joy
• Re-connection
• Celebration

Time for the work.
You probably see the connection by now I have a reason for eating for most of the common emotions. Now that I've identified the trigger, I have to design a plan.

Dodging bullets -one at a time.

Next Post: Anger and Eating Management

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Today's tarot card: Ace of Swords: upright

Time for decisive action. Slash and burn take no prisoners. The war is at hand... Yes, I'm making my battle plan and showing you, my allies, all the steps I'm taking and working through. Painful emotionally for me hopefully not for you.

Diet success - Clean out the closet

Smaller size
Once you discover that your diet is working, its time to down-size the wardrobe. Bathe or shower, put on clean undergarments and systematically go through your clothing.

Step one - try them all on
Time to get go to work and get dirty. Make some working room for yourself, Empty shelves, push all clothing to one side of the closet rod. Take out footwear that go with certain items. Systematically go through your closet and try on all your items for proper fit. If you wear a certain pair of shoes with the outfit put those on as well. Go to your handy full-length mirror and see if it really fits you. Clothing that fits and you will wear again will go back in its place, properly stored - hung, or folded.

Clothing that's too big or starting to show some sloppiness require your attention, its time to do something with them. Items that are too big or sloppy for you but still nice enough for someone else to use, put in pile one. If you haven't worn the item for a while ask yourself do I still love it, or want it. If the item not something your willing to wear or went out of style also goes in pile one.

Step two - needs attention
While going through your clothing make en effort to put aside items that are stained or have a missing button, or other mending to be done. These items of clothing that need special attention go into pile two.

Step three - Everything has a season
Seasonal items need to be rotated so they are not taking up prime storage real estate need a special place, another closet or room would be best. Make this storage space for seasonal items only. That way when next fall rolls around and there is a chill in the air you can retrieve the sweater or jackets or other seasons items. Go through the fitting process again before its moved back to prime main clothing areas. If you find items that you have kept and that are still too small for you to fit into properly and you decide to keep. These go into pile three.

Step four - working backwards with pile three
Place the too small items in your seasonal storage area separated and noted too small with a date you last tried them on.

Step four - pile two
Decide what to do with pile two the items that need professional cleaning or minor repair. If you dry cleaners also does mending alteration you could take them all there. If you are handy or sewing savvy the mending can be done by you. Just make sure to do it .

Step five
Decide what to do with the big or dated clothing. You have a few choices here if you are green
have a garage sale or give to a charity shop or local cause rummage sale. If you have designer clothing a resale consignment shop might take them and you could get a bit back on your investment. Last you could trash the items.

Step six one week later
If you haven't started the mending - trash the items.

Step seven
Go shopping for at least one new shape flattering outfit, add trimmings if desired. Besides you have some extra storage space to fill.

Martha Stewart's Memory Box

I love Martha Stewart
What isn't to love, she has focus, determination, and organization down to a science. Martha knows what she wants and has created her own corporation out of herself. I don't compare myself to Martha in any way. And I don't put anyone up against her standards. Bless Martha Stewart, she inspires us to actually do things to beautify, or organize our lives. If Martha wants to know how to do something she likes she gets an expert or one of her crew to demonstrate and explain things to her and us.

Sister-in-Law relates a Martha Stewart moment
Martha's segment was about creating a treasured memory box. Purchase a box or decorate a plain box. The purpose is to place items or story snippets with happy or pleasant memories inside. When you need a lift or want to stroll down happy memory lane, pull out the box and find a random item and read and take time to reflect. Use the box for inspiration.

Brother has his own version:
I have adopted brother's take on the box. We in the family call it The "Tortured memory jar". While I don't believe brother has an actual vessel, I do. As Sister-in-law and I e-correspond a frequent subject is an off-handed comment by my brother that she wants confirmation or elaboration of the story. Then we file it in brother's "Tortured memory jar". Giving the subject a symbolic burial. I imagine his as an overstuffed mayonnaise jar.

Dredge up the ghosts
Deciding to blog about my diet from last weeks re-commitment has spawned many of my own "tortured memories". I see this as necessary work for me, this self reflection and introspection. It is helping me understand why I lost control of my weight. The writing of this blog and planning future subjects has made the speed of the tortured memories pile up rapidly.

Emotional week
This past week has had me looking back and forward. Dredging up more tortured memories that I had filed away and chose to forget - if only for awhile. I have had a few LOL moments, and many a tear this past week. I placed many of my tortured memories on square of colorful origami paper. They are there waiting for me to fold them into a crane, frog, or some other origami shape I've yet to learn. They are waiting for their ritual burial.

Thank you Martha Stewart!
You have given me a new tool. It may not be as you intended, its being used as its best purpose for this fan. Martha, you've given me a way to forgive myself, can you forgive me?

As today's inspiration would say "Its a good thing."

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Today's Tarot Card:
Nine of cups: upright Triumph and success
A temporary state in this case. The past week has been a success for me. My results of diligence and sleight of mind tricks have worked. It may not always work, the new focus and thoughts have made their point to me. Success in new habits must continue to call it a triumph.

Situation Report

After one week of re commitment here is an update:
217 pounds to 214 net loss of three pounds or 1.38% (Loss 3 pounds divided by new starting weight 217 * 100 ). Am I above the yellow line? Yes, this isn't a competition like "The Biggest Loser". A loss is a win in this case. Better than I expected – bonus!

Main Strategies:
Divide food into serving sizes in zip bags.
Made conscious choices when it came to eating foods.
Fruit and Vegetable planned snacks.
Looking back at the emotions tied to past binge eating –
This was tough for me but I see it as necessary work that needs to be done to break the bad
eating habits of the past, and certainly to recur.

Show down

Sabotage
There are many pitfalls when starting a diet. Just the act of telling my partner I was about to focus on my diet was a reason for the latest grocery trip. Partner comes home beaming with joy and stocks the pantry with all my favorite junk food.

Announcing proudly “I brought you some....”

• Potato chips
• Flavored corn chips
• Fried Cheese flavored puffs
• And your favorite....chocolate snack cakes

Oh the sweet life
I don't have to worry about the salty things, for now, as I already have my lower calorie choices available. Besides R. likes all of them too. If I don't eat them, they still will disappear. Its the chocolate snack cakes placed on top of the Refrigerator. I imagine I hear them calling from on top of the refrigerator. I can't hide them in the pantry, out of sight still would not be out of mind. They have to stay prominently within view. Because that's where the sweet snacks have always been.

It has to be me
I have to remember that I'm the only one that eats sweets. My other half eats sweets, but has never craved them, never having a second portion of anything I bought or made that had a hint of sugar in it. Partners motto would have to be “Ones a plenty”. While my motto was “Eight isn't enough”. To hide the rolled chocolate cake, cream filled, chocolate enrobed, plastic encased, three bite blisses anywhere else would be to invite another shopping trip for partner to fill the sweet spot, with something else just as tempting with a product that has the shelf half-life of yellow cake uranium.

Temptation
I must face the enemy constantly. Its red, white, and blue box with the freckled innocent girl in western hat smiles with joy at me knowing she's going to win eventually. Her treasure will never spoil, or go moldy.

Advantage Tom B. - today
I think I can make Gunfighter Deb wait just another sundown before I give her satisfaction.
Today was a draw. We both stared each other down. Tell me how am I to win this invitation to duel? Her eyes are drawn open!

Today's tarot card

Strength: reversed

Facing a test of my own determination and will. Finding the power within to be able to succeed. Isn't that what diets are about?

Rules - Old vs New

You must eat everything on your plate / don't waste food
I'm grown now, I don't have to clean everything off of my plate. In some cultures its rude to eat everything - they will keep filling your plate thinking that you are still hungry. Besides now I have paid for the food its up to me to not waste by preparing too large a quantity in the first place.

Finish one thing and go on to the next
This was a rule I had to live by as a child. It was pointed out to me in my early twenties that was how I ate - I never really thought about it. Then I observed other people eating, others did eat a bite of this and then a bite of something different. This is one I'm still working on.

You don't get desert unless you eat everything
Come on, calories on top of a full meal you may not have really liked anyway. Besides you don't have to take a large portion of desert, sometimes a taste is all that is needed to satisfy the sweet tooth.

4-4-3-2 servings / day (Grains / bread, Vegetables and fruits, Proteins, Dairy)
I think the overemphasis on starches on this daily food system was wrong. It was pounded into us as kids. But I now crave starches too often.

Don't snack between meals
If you are exercising you need to eat 2 planned snacks to keep you from crashing. If you aren't exercising you need 2 low calorie snacks to avoid that same crash. Make sure it isn't sugar you are snacking on add some lower fat dairy item to add some protein.

Breakfast must be bacon, eggs, and buttered toast.
My favorite breakfast now is fruit and a small slice of cheese.

Water must be consumed with every meal
Adequate water must be consumed daily just don't dilute your stomach acids used for digestion during your meal.


Today's Tarot Card
Three of pentacles: upright
Skill becomes proficient, success, rewards from proficiency
In context of my diet this weekend it was all about choices. The skills take practice to make better decisions and habits when it comes to eating.

Being a weekend I have no structure to my day as I don't have the framework of my workplace. I am left to my own devices. So I had to make healthier decisions which meant grocery shopping and getting better alternatives. It didn't just stop at shopping when I came home I washed and prepared fruit and vegetables and set them prominently in front of the refrigerator.

I also bought some better carb starchy / salty snacks. These I divided into measured portions and placed them into a plastic zip bags and placed the bags in a bin. No, I didn't get the greatest snacks but I stayed away from potato chips, I can't eat just one - serving. I got Corn chips and pretzels weighed out individual servings. If snacks are packaged into servings you remember how many servings you had. If I sat down with a already opened bag, I would just plow through the whole thing not knowing how many servings I just had.

One thing about the crumbs at the bottom of the bag, I can throw out corn chip and pretzel crumbs - I have never tossed away a potato chip crumb.

So I have to practice the skills of conscious eating and normal portions to keep on the road to success.

Fact vs. Fiction

Proverb “He who fails to plan, plans to fail”

Fact
How to make a bachelor shop
There are only a few items that made me go shopping in my bachelor days. If I was out of any of the essentials I would have to make that dreaded trek to the grocery store.

The short list:
Toilet paper
Eggs
Ketchup
Bread
Diet coke
Beer
Hot dogs

What is it this time
The item that sent me out was Heinz Ketchup. I am predictable when it comes to certain brand names. I know what I prefer. Off to the local store I go around 9:00 PM.

Thirty some odd dollars later
When shopping without a list one picks up random unnecessary items. These are based on wants not necessity. Coming home loaded up with two bottles of my brand name ketchup and other odds and ends, I proceed to unload the car.

Guy thinking
Less trips to the car is better. Loading one hand with all bags it could possibly carry without losing circulation. Whatever else I could grab in the other hand. I close the trunk and juggle the keys and groceries. As I try to get the keyring out of the trunk, one bag decides 44 ounces of Heinz Keg-O-Ketchup in its glass bottle, is too much stress. The bag tears and onto the parking lot goes my reason to go shopping. Splat, broken bottle with a crime scene worth of precious red life fluid. No problem I have another bottle, checking I see that that one is in another bag and safe.

Get some newspaper for a quick clean-up.
Going to my apartment I turn off the main walk to my approach. A quick shift of the load to get the gate latch. The load swings after my hand and “Chink”, the other bottle of ketchup hits the gates metal thumb-latch and spills its contents into the bag. I just had to laugh at myself, and did.

Glass vs. Plastic
Gone are the days the local store stocks my favorite brand in glass containers. Now I can only find Heinz in plastic bottles. To me it just doesn't taste the same. I ponder, does the vinegar twang leech out some compound in the container, thus effecting its flavor?

Fiction
Plan for a storm
You got your hurricane supplies, secured the windows with plywood, you're ready for the storm. Before the outer rain bands hit, cousins Eddie and spouse Ellen knock at the door, trailing is their two teenage children, looking for refuge from the storm.

The realization
I don't have enough ketchup.

Today's Tarot card:
Six of cups Upright: Childlike Nostalgia
How fitting that I'm taking that trip down memory lane relating a story with happy memories. I'm embracing my inner Klutz. Nothing painful, I just need to learn the lesson.

Lessons
Never bite off more than you can chew?
Take care of what you value?
Gravity exists, s..t happens?

I'm going with: Roll with the punches.

The ravages of war: What toll extra weight has taken

Sleep Apnea
Since 1994 I have had obstructive sleep apnea. Treatment is to wear a mask with air pressure while sleeping. The machine called Continuous Positive Air Pressure or CPAP, allows sleep without snoring or worse an small period of time where you stop breathing.

Arthritis
I need three joints replaced. The left hip and both knees. The surgeon said that with my weight that artificial joints may only last 6-8 years, and would have to be re-done. He said to take over the counter pain medication until the pain becomes unbearable, or come back when I have lost the weight.

Stretch marks
Pretty much lets you know I don't go topless at swimming pools.

I'm lucky so far
I don't have diabetes. There is a possibility it could develop as there is a family history.

Today's Tarot Card
9 of Wands - Upright
A warning to proceed with caution, I am battle weary and worn bruised battered and scarred. But I'm not about give up as I have found the resolve to continue. A brief respite to gather strength.

The Biggest Loser

The Biggest Loser
When I first heard the title of NBC's weight loss show, that's exactly what I was feeling like. Not in the way it was intended. This highly motivational program has brought up all my ugly food demons and the painful memories connected with food. Food has always been my comfort, and weight was its side effect. Let's face it at that time I was morbidly obese.

My simple diet approach
After the first couple of seasons I made a decision to try a new diet approach. It was overly simple. My aim was to lose 20 pounds a year and maintain the loss before moving on. And then the next year I would start all over again.

Does it work?
Then I was 280 pounds, now I am 217 pounds. I've stuck with it for three years and added a bonus pound as a cushion. Yes I've kept the weight off but am now at one of those dreaded plateaus. That painful point where you have to do something different because the old standby techniques aren't working as well.

My new plan
I will share my tale and my thoughts. Not to recommend to you, but to tell my story.

To take a more active diet strategy.

I will take active steps to try to make this years 20 pound goal.

This blog will is to help make myself accountable and to take me out of my complacency.

To help me be a healthier me.

I no longer feel like “The Biggest Loser”, for I have already taken part of the journey. Now by making my declaration public I am waging a personal war. I am spurred on by the fact that I have won the exact same battle 3 years running.

What to expect
Can I make the 20 pound goal in a years time? I am going to give it my best shot. As I go on this process I will faithfully document my progress or downfall. I won't give a blow by blow calorie by calorie accountability of the process. I'm human and have fallen off the wagon and come up bumped, bruised and scarred. I will tell the stories of how I came to my current state. I'll dredge up the stories painful and funny and share my journey. You may not like me as I was or am or what I become. But I will document my battle often as I can.

Tarot Card - The Fool

As the fool takes off on his journey with a knapsack with the few items he thinks he'll need. A dog tags along trying to warn of the danger being too close to the cliffs edge. But the fool goes forward not knowing what is too come.

Next Post The ravages of war: What toll extra weight has taken.

About the Author:
At 46 years old Tom B. is a multi addicted, obsessive-compulsive, partnered person - trying to make sense of this amazing journey called life often using tarot cards for personal introspection.